How much fun can you have with £4.25

The Answer..... Not Much, except feeling sorry for yourself. I really have done nothing for the last week except try to fit a drum kit into a set of extremely small boxes. But I did manage to find this photo of me and Jez at the Reading festival in 2002 making a 4-tier human pyramid, I was on the fucking bottom (I was really smart back then and voluntered for the position).







And I found this picture of us playing at the Planet Sounds Showcase, if I miss anything about this country it will be playing with and seeing these guys.









And Last but not least I found this picture of my old house in Reading, the man on the left is an Underwear thief, and the man on the right is constantly stoned. And I dont know the girl in the middles name. However if you could see the guy behind the camera he would have very long dreadlocks which would be cut off at an after-show party, much to his delight actually.




Things to avoid....

1) Moving all your money to Australia, and then thinking. "Wait a second Rob, you are going to be here for another 10 days you muppet, maybe moving ALL your money wasn't such a good idea."

Santa Claus is gunning you down.

In the song the 12 days of Christmas. On the first day you get a partridge in a pear tree, quite a nice gift for the first day. However on the second day you get the 2 turtle doves and the partridge in the pear tree. So you got one partridge and tree on the first day, and then on the second day you get another one. So by the time Christmas actually arrives one would have received:

12 partridges and 12 pear trees (Obviously assuming you had an orchard to put said trees in).
22 Turtle Doves
30 French Hens (Assuming they lay 4 eggs a day, thats a lot of omlettes to be eating)
36 Calling Birds
40 Gold Rings (Thats 2 for every digit)
42 Geese Laying (Quite a coincidence for all 42 to be laying at once I know but not outside the realms of possibility)
42 Swans a Swimming
40 Ladies Dancing
36 Piper Piping
30 Maids a Milking (So that 30 cows as well)
22 Drummers Drumming (Now i am a drummer so I know thats going to be annoying).
12 Lords Leaping all over the place - don't they have castles to do that in.

Now whomever wrote this song obviously had an interest in Ornithology and was a music lover because the unfortunate person whom these princly gifts was bestowed upon has managed to gain 184 birds of varying species and 58 Musicians.

As one can probably tell, I am trying to make myself feel better. I am actually very unhappy because a certain person is in New York. I have to be content with eating the massive breakfast that I intend upon cooking myself every morning from now till next the 22nd of May.

Rob pleased with his breakfast

Robs going to the orient - tomorrow

The shortest post ever. Rob is going to Japan to see Christina.

The End

Small head with no descernable hair, red eyes and who has no particluar special powers man

Why is it that TV cop shows always have

A. A tough cop
B. A politically correct parnter
C. A foreign bad guy


"One is a tough cop, the other is a ginger, one legged, blind old woman, buddhist clown cop. They are tough cop and PC partner."

Tough Cop

politically correct partner.

Foreign Bad Guy

The realization dawned upon me that the only exception is Columbo, who is a chain smoking, one eyed coat wearing crime solving guy, with no partner. But I think he gets the tough cop and the PC partner in one body.

As you can tell I got over-stimulated working in the hospitality management trade today. And when i say over-stimulated, I mean I spent 2 hours reading the daily telegraph in the cellar, and completed all the crosswords and the suduko. I spent 10 pounds of money that I took from the tills to buy scratch cards just on the off chance that I would win £1000, thus negating the thrilling prospect of me having to ever go to work there ever again. But alas I did not win and was forced to overcharge some old German man to recompense the till for the money I took.

Pc Partner

Tough Cop

Things to avoid.

1. Your managers flat when he has boyfriends in there with him.

2. Texting fellow work mates (Ryan) pretending you are a girl who wants to sleep with him, only to have him look through your phone and find a half completed text that you were planning to send later.

Bye Bye peeps

x

Robs day off round-up

Its sort of like the omibus edition of corination street on Sunday, except more articulate.

Ran out the house to see robs friend rob, who had a hernia - just about where is hand is, (he is on the right). To find to my horror that I had sold my car and forgotten, - (after my illustriuos father had reversed into it and put a large dent in it).



















So i got the bus, and was forced to sit next to an irritating old lady who not only recognised me from work, she felt the need to regailed me with the tail of how the coffee used to cost £1.25 and now its £1.45. Needless to say being that she was 70+ i felt that knocking her out would be cruel and possibly life-threatening for the old witch. I also thought about convincing her that she had missed her stop, but then the council would have to come and pick up the body in a few days after she starved to death, - but it would have been good for the local eco-system.





So I got to southampton, thought for a split second about getting more tattoo done, and banished the thought, when i recalled
1. How much it costs
2. How much it hurts on your stomache
3. How much further it is away than i had any intention upon tackling on foot.

Robs freind Rob, and Robs friend Robs brother Dave, gave me and the other lay-about pikeys in his house a private gig.







Things to avoid

1. going to work in the morning on your day off, to find that the fat useless chef has not turned up for work and not told anyone where he has decided to put his metric ton of body mass today, and they have no housekeeper. - This is your que to run out the door as fast as possible before being guilt tripped into working.

2. Writing letters to Santa that look like this.



















3. This guy



He will steal your underwear from room and sell it to a Syrian sock merchant, using said monetary reinbursment to fund his penis extension. No, Really he will.








Bye Bye

infinity billion reasons not to listen to dragonforce

The title has nothing to do with the actual content of this entry. I just hate 80's metal and love family guy.

However I noticed after one of my ever more so infrequent visitations to Myspace today, that the caption is "A Place For Friends".

This got me thinking about other possible money making .coms we can create.

Empty Space - A Place for intelligent/Trustworthy American former & present heads of state.
Wasted Space - A Place for rum swigging drunkards and heroin infused gutter dwellers
Waste Of Space - A place for most of my sisters Ex-boyfriends.
Thats "My Space" - A place for people with car parking rage.
Inner Space - A place for people who like 80's movies and have an unhealthy obsession with Kurt Russel


More things to avoid:

1. Dragonforce

bye bye








Ryan definatly remembers putting it up here












I am sure I was about to say something intelligent.














Look what I found, 4 people in a pile.

I'm rob, I'm 23 and I'm a single mum

How's that for a pick up line???
Its memorable is it not. I am not sure that i really want to road test it though.
But it is much better than 'Get me my library card coz I'm checkin' you out!'
Well neither of them are dating gems are they.

My name is Rob, i live in sunny England. But soon I am moving to Melbourne. I am a Hotel Manager and hate my job so much that there are times when the litttle lepruechan on my shoulder tells me to burn the building down with all the customers inside, this is compounded by the fact that I am now only working to save money and have no insentive to do a good job (or any job) - Just how work should be.

Robs list of things to avoid like the Plague:

1. Plague
2. Morning Runner - the worst thing I have ever heard (and not just a band).
3. Working at a hotel that you cant burn down.
4. Pikeys.
5. England
6. France
7. using th lttr bfor f

that will do for today, tune in tomorrow and i will add some more, and when i say tomorrow i mean next time i decided to update my blog.

and here are some pictures of me, my girlfriend and anyone else we meet pissed.





Ryan














Christina















Lucy, Nigello, Christina










Lucy, Christina, Lucy (I know its confusing)



















Scotty, Someones Nose, Nigel, Christina, Lucy all in the Ladies















Me, Christina, Moniques forehead, Ryan















Me at home














Me (getting my face crushed), Ryan (possibly dead) and Scotty trying get away from the cigarette